So, I’ve started writing about me, my life and meeting various people at certain stages that Impacted me in some way, like some of you may have read about me meeting my dad at 21 and us not getting on or about meeting my sister who popped out of nowhere pregnant and I didn’t even know I had a sister until then. So yeah I’ve been writing about all that and more.
well, I’m currently still writing and have more to post, but whilst writing, I’ve hit a moment of reflection and the last few weeks, I’ve noticed my emotions have been all over the place, well actually… I think distant is a better word, my emotions have been distant and I’ve been in a strange mood, I’ve been isolating myself, locked away in my room with only the voice in my head for conversation, just thinking about family, friends and well everything really… currently I’m not having the best of times, I’m in a messed up situation and struggling, so I guess loads of factors have a part to play in the way I’ve been.
It’s crazy that things are like this for me now, going through one difficult situation after another, but if I’m completely honest I don’t think I’ve ever been mentally stable, I’m damaged… not sure if damage is the right word, but I do see my self as damaged. As a teen I was able to mask everything through school, sports, and a gang, the gang phase was me hiding and not wanting to face the real me, it was also a way for me to let out a lot of built up emotion and anger I carried with me for years probably from my childhood, which I never really had but I witnessed a lot, I saw things I shouldn’t have and things happened that shouldn’t to a child, I often hear surviving traumatic and emotional situations make you stronger, do I agree with that?..Maybe for others, but for me at first I would’ve said yes, but the last couple months no way! After having a breakdown and I walked the streets for hours and ended up sitting in a graveyard in heavy snow, I’m trying to tackle everything head and face each situation a post at a time, because I’ve realised what a fake I’ve been all of done is mask stuff and runaway for years and well I wouldn’t advise it to anybody.
I thought I was fine but nope, I’m envious of the world, I’m envious of people with families that care for them, it’s silly or stupid I know or I think but it’s just the way I’ve been feeling, families, fight, argue and fall out but one way or another they’re still there for one another and many of you should be grateful for your families and friends because people like are here and we made wishing for all of that so just be thankful and yeah…
Well, this post took an interesting turn 🤷🏾♂️ I’m pretty sure it’s a confusing post and probably didn’t get anything across but think I just needed to write…
Anyway, how are you? Anything you want to write? Please do and let’s talk