Dear Reader, Please Write Back

blogger, blogging, Uncategorized, writer

So, I’ve started writing about me, my life and meeting various people at certain stages that Impacted me in some way, like some of you may have read about me meeting my dad at 21 and us not getting on or about meeting my sister who popped out of nowhere pregnant and I didn’t even know I had a sister until then. So yeah I’ve been writing about all that and more.

well, I’m currently still writing and have more to post, but whilst writing, I’ve hit a moment of reflection and the last few weeks, I’ve noticed my emotions have been all over the place, well actually… I think distant is a better word, my emotions have been distant and I’ve been in a strange mood, I’ve been isolating myself, locked away in my room with only the voice in my head for conversation, just thinking about family, friends and well everything really… currently I’m not having the best of times, I’m in a messed up situation and struggling, so I guess loads of factors have a part to play in the way I’ve been.

It’s crazy that things are like this for me now, going through one difficult situation after another, but if I’m completely honest I don’t think I’ve ever been mentally stable, I’m damaged… not sure if damage is the right word, but I do see my self as damaged. As a teen I was able to mask everything through school, sports, and a gang, the gang phase was me hiding and not wanting to face the real me, it was also a way for me to let out a lot of built up emotion and anger I carried with me for years probably from my childhood, which I never really had but I witnessed a lot, I saw things I shouldn’t have and things happened that shouldn’t to a child, I often hear surviving traumatic and emotional situations make you stronger, do I agree with that?..Maybe for others, but for me at first I would’ve said yes, but the last couple months no way! After having a breakdown and I walked the streets for hours and ended up sitting in a graveyard in heavy snow, I’m trying to tackle everything head and face each situation a post at a time, because I’ve realised what a fake I’ve been all of done is mask stuff and runaway for years and well I wouldn’t advise it to anybody.

I thought I was fine but nope, I’m envious of the world, I’m envious of people with families that care for them, it’s silly or stupid I know or I think but it’s just the way I’ve been feeling, families, fight, argue and fall out but one way or another they’re still there for one another and many of you should be grateful for your families and friends because people like are here and we made wishing for all of that so just be thankful and yeah…

Well, this post took an interesting turn 🤷🏾‍♂️ I’m pretty sure it’s a confusing post and probably didn’t get anything across but think I just needed to write…

Anyway, how are you? Anything you want to write? Please do and let’s talk

Teddy

8 thoughts on “Dear Reader, Please Write Back

  1. The truth is, everyone who has something unique to offer in our fine arts has been through times like you’re suffering now. There’s an essay on my sister site that might bring you some affirmation and thus a little inner easement and sense of self justification:

    https://timelesswisdoms.wordpress.com/2018/05/20/ill-at-ease/

    Don’t be too hard on yourself. After all, would you really want to be that “normal” person walking by you? Me, I’ll settle for some angst in pursuit of ecstasy 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s easy to be envious of others. Until I started blogging, I had no idea how insecure a lot of people are. Many on here write about being sick, having substance abuse problems, sleeping a lot or hardly at all. Suffering from depression. I had always thought that people with good jobs, big houses, nice cars, etc, were largely doing well, but that is simply not true.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Teddy, I don’t know how this might sound like taking into consideration what you’re going through, but all I’d tell you is to allow yourself meet and appreciate new people and you’ll get past this avalanche.
    You’ll be fine. Be patient too because the world has a lot to offer you.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Teddy, I won’t talk much. Just allow yourself to meet and appreciate new people and you’ll see how fast you’ll get through avalanche of feelings you’re experiencing right now. Go out into the world and do whatever it is you love doing…you will be fine.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s