“nobody knows me, better than me”

blogging, Uncategorized, writer

I feel like I’m lost, I thought I knew my path and what my calling was but now, I’m not so sure. The ones that could be saved, I did all I could, but for the ones that everybody claimed couldn’t be saved, I went over and beyond. Sometimes it’s not the physical things we do for people that impacts their life, I know when the times right, all those I’ve worked with will remember, everything I said and all the stories I shared will sink in to them and set them on the right path.

But what do I do now? Personally I feel like I’m on the verge of breaking, but she gives me a reason to hold on without realising, that’s why I love her more than she’ll ever know, without her, I actually think I’d be broken.

What’s next for me? I’ve given my all to a company that does not share the same values as me, for so long. I’ve fallen out of love with the one thing, I thought I was destined to do. The old me would have walked and stayed loyal to my values -but now I’m constantly battling myself, asking if I’m one of those that’s just in it for the money? Has my greed finally surfaced? That I’m trapped and can’t get out? Maybe someone has tapped on their fine china and I’m now trapped in the “sucken place”. I don’t know I just know I Need hel…

That is the word I can’t physically say, mentally I’m screaming it. I feel like a fraud, I’m always preaching to others “never be afraid to accept hel…” but here I am, too afraid to even hear the sounds of those three words leave my mouth. Why? I wish I knew. I justify things by saying to myself, I’ve always had me and nobody knows me, better than me, and if the one true likeness of my self can leave me in the darkest of moments and only come back when there’s light, why should I put my trust in you? What hel…can you give me that I cannot do alone?

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